Counseling

07 Sep

Clinicians Connect September 2017

As a way to get to know the staff at Riverwalk better, we will be featuring a different clinician each month, discussing more personal information about each person. The clinician we will be connecting with is:

Ali Elrehaimy

 

1. What influenced your decision to become a therapist?
“I always enjoyed helping others and I felt that if I could help one person, then I could be potentially creating a positive impact on multiple others that are a part of their life, like a ripple effect in a way. Mental health is an ever evolving field that’s always interesting and everyday is a new day with different challenges.”

2. What did you do prior to your current role?
“I was getting my Master’s education and working through college in a wide range of jobs from retail to institutional research.”

3. In what ways do you engage in self-care, including hobbies and leisure activities?
” I always try to make time in my day to eat and re-center myself; I typically have music on in the office to put myself in a good mood. I enjoy spending time with family and friends, anyone who can make me laugh because I strongly believe that’s one of the most effective things that can lift someone’s spirit and relieve stress. I also love to swim, ride my bike, watch movies, cook complicated dishes, and sleep…a lot.”

4. What is a fun fact about yourself?
” I am Egyptian, born and raised, and one day hope to be the 5’7″ bridge between mental health and my part of the world.”

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05 Sep

Suicide Safer Communities

Suicide Safer Communities 

Suicide- even the mention of the topic can make people uncomfortable. We tend to shy away or have adverse reactions to hearing, talking or thinking about it. That raises the question then, “How do we help others if we ourselves cannot see beyond our own insecurity/uncertainty for handling suicide?” One may experience conflicting feelings when considering acceptance or avoidance. Suicide may feel like a taboo subject or a personal conflict based on one’s values. However, suicide is real, it exists, and it affects more people than one would assume. Having the confidence and knowledge to handle a situation involving suicide may be crucial to making a difference in someone’s life. So how do we rationalize or normalize suicide so that we as a community are more equipped to deal with it?

One factor that may keep the risk of suicide private is the fact that it is typically looked down upon. Someone that mentions they are considering taking their own life often lose control after admission. Those they confide in can have, understandably, extreme reactions. These reactions may include anger, denial, guilt, sadness, etc. While it is normal to experience these emotions after someone admits their suicidal thoughts and potential actions, it is important to focus on the one who is considering suicide first. Focus on your own emotions separately from the current conversation; let the one in need be your focus. Let them know that you are there to talk, that you want to help, and that you could understand why they see this as their only option. If you “freak out” it may cause them to shut down and continue to contemplate in silence.

When one is bogged down with chronic mental illness, it may appear impossible for them to ever see things getting better. They may be so wrapped up in their own mind and despair that they cannot see past their suffering and think rationally. When one is clouded with doubt and anguish, they may have what is known as tunnel vision- or the inability to see options other than their own point of view.  It is important to listen and get help. There are many ways to get help. Some include telling someone in an authoritative or supportive position (teacher, boss, parent, spouse, etc.), contacting a suicide prevention hotline for information or coaching, and suggesting a hospital visit so that they can get checked out and evaluated. Make sure that those considering suicide understand that you are coming from a place of caring, concern, and absolute support to get them help. They may respond defensively but it needs to be realized that they are defensive because they are trying to protect themselves. This defensiveness may stem from anger, sadness, embarrassment or shame.

Other common behaviors of someone contemplating suicide may include a brightening in their attitude, explaining that they are feeling better or found relief, and giving away possession. When one seems to be getting better and presenting as happier, it may be that they feel they have found a solution to their problems. After suffering and not knowing how to escape, they have made the decision to end their life, thus lessening their burden. This also ties into a person seeming like they have found relief. If they have contemplated in the past, but have decided on suicide now, they may feel that their time is limited and there is an end in sight to their suffering. Knowing that it will “all be over soon” may increase their mood and outlook. Giving away possessions or tying up loose ends can also be a sign that one has made a decision to take their life. They may start to organize important documents, give away objects with sentimental value, and make finalizing grand gestures—such as a goodbye.  It is important to watch out for these signs if you are concerned one may be contemplating suicide.

It is crucial that one remains unbiased during these situations. That they approach their options with caution and do not come off as judgmental.  Using an even tone, an understanding or accepting expression, and body language that signals you are open and willing to talk can make opening up much easier. Our reactions to finding out that someone is considering suicide should remain neutral and caring. Be an active listener and not reactive. Let your loved one, co-worker, peer, or even a stranger, feel as if they can open up without judgement and that you are there to comfort and listen. You do not need to take immediate action as it may alarm those expressing suicidal thoughts and could cause them to shut down. Try to get all the important and relevant information before intervening. As mentioned before, reach out in times of need, contact a hotline for information or coaching, and reach out to emergency medical services if necessary. Try not to leave a suicidal person alone and make sure they have a safety plan for being monitored and reaching out for help in case thoughts or emotions take over again.

Self-care is ideal after such encounters. Make sure to take the time to calm down and evaluate your state of mind. Conversations about suicide can be difficult and leave one feeling uneasy. After an encounter with a suicidal person, one may be left with thoughts of doubt or feeling as if they did not do enough. What is most important is to remember that a suicidal person may need to get it off their chest that they are having these thoughts. Talking about it and making it known to someone can be a great relief. If you feel that emergency intervention is needed, then do not hesitate to call 911. It is always better to be safe. Do not hesitate to reach out to your own support systems, or a suicide prevention hotline. A hotline is a great anonymous way to talk through what you encountered. It gives a different perspective on the situation from an outside source that is trained to handle such situations. By reducing the stigma around suicide and normalizing our reactions to its potential, we are headed towards a suicide safer community.

Resources:
DuPage County Crisis Intervention Unit: 630-627-1700
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255
How to Develop a Safety Plan: www.suicidesafetyplan.com

 

By: Shannon Aeschliman

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14 May

Mental Health Stigma

Awareness of mental health issues has come a long way in the last several years, but it can still go further. While the stigma has been decreasing with time, individuals who are struggling with their mental health have become more open about seeking the appropriate help. This is an indicator of steps being taken in the right direction, both by the individual and by society. Just as we go to medical professionals to maintain our physical health, it should be just as normal to go to a therapist to maintain our mental health. Imagine if there had been a stigma about going to the physician for our physical health, a dentist for our dental health, or an optometrist for our vision health; our health would quickly deteriorate rather than seeking the necessary help. So why is it that when it comes to mental health, there is this great reluctance to get the help that is needed?

Our mental health is often neglected because it is not seen as a priority or something that could have a serious impact on other aspects of our life. However, it does. In fact, the mind’s health can affect the remainder of the body in countless ways from how we feel to what we do, you know, chemical releases in the brain and stuff. Have you ever noticed how when you are feeling upset you feel a lack of energy, you can’t focus on, you don’t feel like eating, or your sleep is affected? Or when you feel anxious, you begin feeling your heart race, your thoughts race, or you can’t think? I guess the point is that our mental health is very important because it can affect us in many ways and potentially negatively affecting those around us too; kind of like the flu and nobody likes that.

I was recently talking with a friend about mental health awareness and we compared a specific mental illness, such as depression, to a physical illness, such as an ulcer. If an individual feels a pain in their abdomen or side that’s consistently getting worse, they are not going to ignore it. They will most likely get it checked out or look up their symptoms on google first, but regardless of their first step they acknowledged that there is an issue and considered a solution. Now say the same individual is instead feeling irritated, can’t sleep, finds himself over eating, constantly preoccupied, and has just lost interest in everything; being unaware of mental health might allow this person to just ignore these issues and try to muddle through day after day, possibly getting worse. The key here, in this over-worded comparison, is knowledge. Through raising awareness and education, people can become more knowledgeable about mental health, their mental health. They can learn to detect problems related to their mental health just like they detect issues with their physical health.

Recognizing that you need to seek mental health services should not be any more embarrassing than getting your teeth cleaned at the dentist, unless he asks you about your flossing habits. It is not an admission of weakness, nor is it an admission of insanity; it is simply an admission that there is a better solution for a problem than ignoring it.

Ali Elrehaimy

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11 Apr

National Couple Appreciation Month

In celebration of National Couple Appreciation Month, Michael Blackburn has encouraged couples to participate by showing your spouse you care in unexpected ways.

Here are his 5 Unexpected Ways to Show Your Spouse You Care:

  1. Spend the day making dinner. When you take the time and effort to make someone all their favorite foods, from appetizers to dessert, it shows you care. It does not have to be perfect; in fact, taking that risk when you are not a great chef can be even more fun. It also doesn’t have to be gourmet anything. If your spouse is into nachos and hot wings, then a night of apps it is! Tailor it to their tastes and make a truly unique meal.
  2. Pick your partner’s favorite activity – that you hate – and do it for hours. If your spouse loves horror flicks and you just aren’t into them, set aside time for a movie marathon complete with their favorite snacks. If your partner is into camping, get ready to go on an overnight car trip. Do something they love that the two of you rarely do because you don’t like it and do not complain even once.
  3. Get off your phone. Too often, the job takes precedent and you are unable to give your spouse your undivided attention. Take the opportunity, no matter what you decide to do to show your appreciation, to shut down all electronic devices and give your significant other your full attention. Do not pick your phone up and stay focused on what the two of you are doing together.
  4. Offer a genuine compliment. Skip any comments on appearance or superficial things – no matter how great – and focus instead on giving your spouse a genuine, heartfelt compliment that lets them know you see all they sacrifice and do to support you as a firefighter and that you appreciate it every day.
  5. Take your time. With crazy work schedules, the demands of family and friends, and an extended period of time invested in the relationship, it is natural to put sex and/or romance on the backburner. Efficiency is often prized over creativity, which though functional, can get boring. Take the time to put your partner in the spotlight in this area, doing the things that they like most and that the two of you may rarely have time for.
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26 Jan

Happy National Spouse’s Day 1/26

NATIONAL SPOUSE’S DAY!!
WHAT A GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO LET YOU PARTNER KNOW HOW MUCH YOU ADORE THEM!!
Image result for love
1. REMIND THEM WHY YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH THEM.
2. TELL THEM YOUR FAVORITE MEMORIES OF THEM.
3. TELL THEM  OF ALL THE WONDERFUL QUALITIES THEY HAVE, WHICH ONES ARE YOUR FAVORITE.
INCLUDE THESE ELEMENTS IN A PASSIONATE LOVE LETTER REMINDING THEM WHY YOU’D CHOOSE THEM OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!
HAPPY SPOUSE’S DAY!!!
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01 Jan

WHAT ARE YOUR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS?

It’s a brand new year! It’s the perfect time to start that new hobby you’ve always wanted to try, to exercise regularly, to drink more water, or whatever is on your list. But is your relationship with your partner on your list?  Is that something you want to prioritize in the new year? If not now, when? Make your relationship a resolution you want to have. Make each other a priority! Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman recommends doing some 6 specific things that seem to greatly enhance relationships. How about it? Are you willing to add your relationship to your “to do” list for the new year?  

 

6 Magic Hours

 

  1. Partings-be sure to hug and kiss your partner when they leave for the day and know at least one thing that is happening in their life that day.

  2. Greetings-greet your partner when they return for the day with another loving embrace and kiss-at least 20 seconds-gives the hormone oxytocin a chance to emit-the “cuddle hormone”, we all know and enjoy. Have a stress reducing conversation about your day. Remember to listen with the intent to hear and to understand, NOT  with the intent to reply, just to listen.

  3. Compliment each other daily-say something nice to your partner, make them feel the love that you have for them, the respect, the admiration etc. Compliment them. Every. Single. Day.

  4. Touch-be sure to touch each other, in a nonsexual way, every day. It could be holding hands, a back rub, a caress on the face or a squeeze on the arm. Let them know physically, you’re on their side, you have their back and that they are not alone in life. Yes, a touch can communicate that much.

  5. Date night-make an effort to get together with just your partner on a weekly basis to either go out or have an inside date, a soul gazing session by the fire, a sexy game of naked twister- whatever floats your boat. It doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate; it just has to be about you as couple having fun enjoying one another.

  6. State of the Union meeting-taking time to have an hour conversation about what went right that week, what went wrong, showing appreciation for each other and ending the conversation with what can I do to make you feel loved next week?  

Written by Kandee Willis, LCPC, PCGC 

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25 Dec

Help for the Holidays

The holidays can be a rough time for everyone. From all the shopping, the card-writing, and to the paper-cuts from wrapping gifts; to the lack of sleep, added stress, and dealing with any emotional ups and downs. The holidays can bring up both good memories and bad memories, based on how we remember them in the past, and how our minds associate this time of the year with those memories. It can be both the most looked-forward to part of the year for some people, and at the same time, the most dreaded time of the year for others.

Are you depressed yet?

Don’t worry, this will help! There are some things that you can do today, tomorrow, in preparation for the New Year’s Eve, and for the rest of your life really.

First and foremost, it is very important that you take care of yourself. Meaning, take some time for yourself during the day to just catch your breath and relax by doing anything that, well, relaxes you. You can even set a reminder on your phone throughout different times of the day if you know yourself to be a person that forgets to breath sometimes and needs a little reminder. Easier said than done, I know, but even taking that one minute to yourself during the day, at different parts of the day, can make a difference. Our minds have gotten so fast paced these days that we can tend to get stuck in our thoughts and our tasks, not realizing that we are overworking ourselves. This can greatly contribute to added stress that adds up throughout the week, which can take a toll on your physical, emotional, and mental state. So, when you take that minute to just find your center and catch your breath, you are essentially just taking a step back from your thoughts and defusing from any emotions that may be causing you added stress at the moment.

Like I said, this is something you can do on any day, but it’s good to know especially during the holiday season when you are freaking out trying to figure out what to get your brother-in-law’s wife’s sister’s husband that you only met once. Or if your are simply just overwhelmed with your family, friends, or your life overall.

Now touching on the other aspect of the holidays that can be both good or bad, the memories. Memories can be very sensitive things for us and if they are bad we try to avoid everything that is related to them. If they are holiday related it’s tough to ignore them when everything is decorated and Christmas tree’d, red-and-green’ed, and wonderland’ed with Tony Bennett or Frank Sinatra singing in the back.

So what can you do?

If you simply can’t avoid something, what is the other option? Find something that you can enjoy within the whole experience. Something that you find fun or interesting that you can take away from the whole thing. This can be something as simple as a food, a song (listening to Frank Sinatra), or finding good deals during the holiday sales; there are numerous things you can show gratitude towards.

Written by Ali Elrehaimy, Clinical Counseling Intern

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25 Nov

Help Your Relationship Survive the Holidays

During this time of season, with the hustle and bustle of the holidays, we can become so busy that our relationship is put on the back burner. These are some ideas to show your partner they are still a priority in your life, that you still adore them and want to stay connected. Give it a try! Show your partner that they are your  still favorite holiday blessing!

In the next two weeks, put these items on your love calendar to make an effort and to be intentional with your relationship and with each other.  You can do them on consecutive days, on the weekends or whatever works for your schedule but DO THEM!!! MAKE THE TIME!!! Show each other that you are a priority to the other, that your relationship matters, that you appreciate one another.

 

  1. Praise and appreciate- write up a list of 30 favorite things about each other and then read them out loud to each other

  2. Date night- Create an especially elaborate meal together; plan, shop and then cook the meal together. Put on your favorite playlist and enjoy the experience.

  3. Praise and appreciate-bombarding each other with high volume of bite sized love messages; use text messages, folded up pieces of paper in the car, write on the mirror, put in lunchbox, medicine cabinet, any place your loved one will easily find; aim for 10-20 throughout the day.

  4. Date night-Pack up supplies and watch the stars together. Watch them on the hood of your car, with blankets on the patio, wherever. Talk about your plans for the next 5, 10, 20 years.

  5. Connection exercise-extended soul gazing-face in seated position with knees close to touching and hold eye contact for 5-6 min. might feel awkward but keep doing it. No talking- if the silence is uncomfortable, play a  song or two that takes 5-6 min and commit to holding eye contact for the duration of the time. Extended eye contact with someone that you already have positive feelings towards is scientifically proven to increase feelings of connection and intimacy.

  6. Share a big scary secret-make it something maybe you’ve never had the courage to share with anyone, maybe you were bullied as a child, maybe you were really hurt by something someone said or did, whatever it is, something your partner doesn’t already know about you. Sharing intimate details about our lives naturally builds connection and intimacy.

Written by Kandee Willis, LCPC, PCGC

Kandee is trained in Level 3 Gottman Method Couple’s Counseling, Gottman Seven Principles, Veteran’s Issues, Trauma, Gambling and Women’s Issues

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